Episode 21: Hippie New Year!

So, here we are…A completely different, entirely fresh, New Year. Of course you can start fresh any day… But that’s no fun! There’s something about a New Year that gives everyone this energy, this sudden jolt of confidence, believing… that this one New Year can be different from all the others. Something special, something unique, something that changes us from what we’ve been doing the previous year. A chance to better ourselves and throw away old bad habits. The New Year is proof that we do all have one thing in common… Hope! That to me is Power. So, if you’re reading this blog today…I truly wish you receive what you desire. That your hopes and dreams come alive this year!

Podcast, Talk Show, Album, and Yoga is my life now. Partnering up with other creative forces, eating more good food, meeting Childish Gambino, decorating my apartment and saving money are my priorities now. It’s refreshing…This feeling of just being content, grateful. I’m not scrambling, or overthinking. Everything is moving but moving to the beat of what I feel. I don’t know. I smoked a new Sativa strain this morning and it’s spilling into this entry.

Staying out of a relationship is crucial to my personal progression this year. I love men and a couple months out the year I love women too. but yo, I gotta stay away. I give 68% in a relationship and that’s way too high of a percentage. I must maintain my focus and energy on work so I can support my marijuana needs and make this comedy writing thing happen.

Last year I put so much pressure on myself, to be the “perfect writer”, the “perfect yogi”, “the perfect girlfriend”. Knowing deep down inside I’m a fucking mess working my shit out constantly. It wasn’t fair for me to beat myself up over things I could not control. It wasn’t fair for me to bring people in to my mess and expect them to stick it out with me. I had expected a life of fast and easy when I moved to Los Angeles. Instead of enjoying every aspect the city was trying to offer me. I decided to complain and mope and not do shit.

I’m not a monster, I’m not a Trump, I don’t want to eat babies…I’m just this super hot but regular ass Black woman trying to make noise in a society where we’re at the bottom of the totem pole anyway. This feeling I have now though, yo…It’s stimulating. I feel tingly when I wake up in the morning. I light my splifs and dance in front of my mirror for hours, my roommate is a God send, my ex-boyfriend stopped sending me hate emails, I haven’t had sex in months and I don’t even care…(Xtina is turning over in her grave), I’m falling in love with me all over again. Discovering that I’m no where near perfect but I’m still incredible af, still young, with no kids and a soft booty. I still have this fire in me that screams, keep pushing, you almost there Queen! Today, I choose to live in the present. To appreciate all that is around me right now at this very moment. Today I choose to execute my creative ideas, laugh with my friends, practice Yoga, gain knowledge, be naked, accept new and scary opportunities, enjoy the people in my life and experience shit. My heart isn’t heavy anymore. There’s no aching worries, no questioning who I am. I just am…and for today that’s just gonna have to be good enough.

Advertisements

Episode 20- A Hippie’s Holidaze

Its Holiday season! Bring out the hoodies, shorts and jean jackets, I might have to dare I say wear socks with my shoes now. The holidays in L.A., pretty non-existent to say the least. The rain replaces snow, its 65+ degrees, Its way too hot for one of those Ugly Sweater parties.

Yet,  holiday season brings me joy. Like, Thanksgiving what a fucked up holiday to celebrate but having three plates of food with no care in the world. Sorry Indians! (not sorry) This year I celebrated what most transplanted, stranded, Los Angeles residents celebrate. “Friendsgiving” Well in our case “Danksgiving” (Yes it’s exactly what you think it is) with my closest homies.  I thought my friendships were deteriorating after we didn’t get the dream house I wanted. At the end of the night… I love these Negros, regardless if we agree or not, these people I met almost a decade ago are still here, supporting and uplifting my crazy dreams. Plus as cool as it would’ve been to live with my Frat brothers. They fart a lot more often than the average male. Sports, there’s just so much sport watching…I can’t deal…But dammit I would be trifalin’ af if I wasn’t grateful. They let me stay with them these last couple months. I wear wigs, I get a period, I’m going through a break up and these guys were so nice and tolerant of all that.  Why do they like me?

So let’s revisit that last blog post. Was that Emo or what? I went pretty dark. I was saying stuff like…

I feel so stuck,  everything is falling a part. My friendships, my relationship. The thought of writing something creative makes me cringe now. How do I get back?”

It was pinned up inside me and I had to type it out. I won’t apologize for my vulnerability either.

I’ve been internally kicking and screaming because I’m trying to find some sort of break or easy way out of what ultimately are Karmic reactions to a continuous cycle I’ve subjected myself to. Basically. I’m tired of feeling bad for myself, making up excuses, It’s time to embark on this L.A. journey I was eagerly ready for when I first moved here. With opportunities and blessings literally smacking me in the face, I must keep pushing forward.

A new job, moving in to an amazing home with my closest friend, teaching more Yoga classes, embarking on my first 200 hour Teacher Training, starting my Podcast back up and recording music, I’m diving in to all my side passions until I can get rid of this *whispers* writers block.. I still feel like something is missing.  Why do I always think I need more? How am I not content yet? Then it hit me. Why I feel this emptiness within me. I must deal with this, I must face the truth that I might not ever meet Childish Gambino, let alone watch him  perform live ever again. I know I missed an amazing last concert.  I know now what it feels like to live life with regret.

Still, though. I’m in a much better place than the last couple months. This New Year will be interesting. I’m ready for it all.

 

Stay Tuned and Happy Holidays!

 

 

Episode 19-That Hippie is NOT Lit.

Everything is wrong! I thought when I turned 30 life would just suddenly fall into place. Now, I realize life can’t fall in line because I’m not in line. I’ve spent the majority of my twenties attempting to maintain a free spirited, go with the flow lifestyle. I feel as though it has finally caught up to me. What happened to the Christina who knew everything would be okay if you just smoke a J? I feel so disconnected from her. How can I lose faith when God has given me everything before?

I’m not a complicated human being and yet I continue to place myself in these predicaments that end up doing more harm than good. Sometimes I wish I had no dreams, I wish I didn’t dream of a life writing in a writer’s room creating comedy gold with Childish Gambino, I wish I didn’t hope for people to be entertained by my stories, my dreams of helping people see their potential and making them feel good is too painful. I should be sitting behind a desk pushing papers for a reasonable amount of money and benefits. I should be coming home to my husband and kid…Instead I’m sleeping on different people’s couches and chasing work shifts to pick up just so I can make it another day in L.A. How in the fuck did I get here?

When I moved to Los Angeles that hot ass day in June of 2016 I was floating. I had so much spark. I was on stage performing comedy every night, I created a pilot, a podcast, recorded music, I looked out my sublet balcony window, two years ago, saw that Hollywood sign and just knew I was going to take over. I haven’t taken over shit.

I feel so stuck,  everything is falling a part. My friendships, my relationship. The thought of writing something creative makes me cringe now. How do I get back? I do so much fuckin’ Yoga you’d think I’d be zen af by now!

I’m not…So, the pending question is do I go home now, is this where I call it quits and just reset everything?  I’ve been the cause of most of my damage out here, my punishment should be to go home. Actually, running seems uncomplicated. Pushing through just seems like energy I can’t attain at the moment.

The other day my partner was attempting “Encourage Christina take 34”. He asked me what I thought success was? I couldn’t answer him. For the first time I didn’t have a comeback. Not even a sarcastic one to avoid the question. I just  kind of stood there looking dumb in the face. A question that stumped me and still as I write this post don’t have an answer for.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Episode 18-Tina Tour, Homie Hoppin’ & Thirty.

I did not re-sign my lease for my amazing house located smack dab in the middle of Los Angeles. Yes, the metro was across the street, yes, I had a washer, dryer and driveway. My bedroom set a vibe from the beautifully illustrated mural on my wall to the color coordinated bohemian decor which always made coming home a treat. However, like always I want something new, different and obviously challenging. So I have decided to STAY in L.A. and move in with my three Fraternity brothers who I’ve known since college. Instead of choosing to live by myself which I’m finally capable of doing… I know this living experience is going to be insane and I’m totally here for it. A black version of New Girl, who wouldn’t want that? I still continue to live my life like a white TV sitcom. (Singing New Girl Tune) “Who’s that girl, its Chris!

Unlike two years ago when I was running around L.A. looking for a place to live praying to God  I  didn’t have to  camp out on San Pedro and 7th.

Today, I have like real friends here.  I have recruited a handful of my closest friends from back home dreaming the same dream as me! They’re here to stay and I’m lucky enough to be able to go from paying rent for a one bedroom to living in three different friends houses in exchange for mediocre meals prepared by me. Trust me this is not my Swag. I would much rather have my own space. I don’t think you realize how much I appreciate my naked time. As for now though, the best thing to do is continue to homie hop so I can save all my Schmoney for this amazing new four bedroom house. I’m anxious about this next step…The not knowing is giving me slight anxiety but ultimately I’m ready to embark on a new journey with three human beings I trust with my life.

In order to make homie hoppin’ easier I took a two week vacation back to the East Coast. Visiting Durham, NC, Washington D.C. and of course my heart… New York City. Taking a break from the L.A. life to reconnect with friends and family was therapeutic. I had an opportunity to reflect on what I had and what I have now. Congratulations were said,  extended hugs, dancing, drinks flowing, overpriced weed, new connections were made, past relationships were resolved, reunions were dramatic and genuine, I loved every moment of Tina Tour and I have a feeling this tour will evolve into something more. (Hey, that rhymed) Tina Tour also made me realize I know a hell of a lot of people and they are all rooting for me. It’s pretty amazing.

 

Now, it’s back to the grind. I’m back in sunny Los Angeles, teaching more Yoga classes, starting a new Yoga Training, writing every day, building with my partner, moving into this house and apparently I have a special birthday coming up which I am ready for… I guess. I know I’m ready to exit my twenties. It has been a long af decade but can I really be thirty? I wish there was like a limbo age I can resort to. Ultimately, it’s just a number. I  still feel amazing and I still eat Pop-tarts for dinner. Life is lit and a rebirth is brewing within me.

Stay Tuned.

 

 

Episode 17- Lyft, Loud & Yoga.

Another summer in Los Angeles. Lately, it’s been hot as the Devil’s butthole. I love it, however Some L.A. residents aren’t taking it so well. Can the heat control your sanity?Like, it wasn’t pleasing to my eyes to see a grown woman laying on the streets of Downtown L.A. butt ass naked, or the racist outburst from the 7-11 clerks yelling that  “All black people are the same” because a black dude stole a soda, let us not forget the pile of dog shit I accidentally stepped into barefoot…All this happened in a matter of one week by the way.  I’ve been living in Los Angeles for two years and still, I am surprised by my life happenings.

Image result for crazy week gif

After months of being financially disabled, missing my closest friends weddings and baby showers, dodging my landlord, I’m actually making strides back to the lit Christina…the one who always had big dreams with ambition and faith to make them happen. I quit my 9-5 over a year ago. It has its ups and Lord knows it has its downs. I had to take a step back and reflect on this new found free time. Within my reflection time I realized I’m an entitled, spoiled only child who lacks discipline and has no hustling mentality. When everything has been practically handed to you your entire life and then suddenly you’re out in the world alone to fend for yourself, you may experience a bunch of bullshit along the way.

half baked bullshit GIF

However, to say I haven’t done anything with my chosen freedom would be a lie. I signed up for Lyft a ridesharing app where I have to uncomfortably drive people around in the backseat of an overpriced rental car. I drive enough just to make my car payment most weeks. You can’t tell me there’s one Lyft driver who’s excited to drive for Lyft. I’m grateful to finally be able to get around the city without stepping on to the piss & shit aroma the metro bus offers but driving for Lyft sucks balls. It also doesn’t help that I don’t really know how to navigate the city and I’m a pretty average driver considerably.

Image result for lyft driver gif

I didn’t move all the way to L.A. to chauffeur people around. I also didn’t move out here to become a teacher but within this free time I found a love and appreciation for Yoga; specifically Yoga Barre– a ballet, cardio, upbeat, lit af class that has transformed not only my body but my mind. I enrolled in Yoga Barre training with hopes to finally get some abs but in the end I’m now a certified instructor guiding others to find love for their bodies at three different Hot Yoga studios. It feels amazing, to just be able to express my personality and have fun with a group of diverse individuals. I’m falling in love with teaching and I’m looking forward to expanding my knowledge and practice.

Image result for funny yoga gif

Now…As for Loud! The Musical (which you can find on youtube here’s the link:  Loud! The Musical

Loud, is my first visual content released to the world wide web. I wrote it, I produced it, I acted in it and I even directed a couple scenes. Yo, this shit is hard. I love it so much it frustrates me. When things aren’t perfect which really means when things don’t go my way I overthink, over criticize but undermine my abilities to make this happen.  I know what you’re thinking…“Keep believing in yourself, keep pushing” I get it and I am. Right now though, I need a mental break from this whole trying to break into the industry thing. I really just want to focus on me…and Yoga…and weed.

So stay tuned and Namaste.

Episode 16: Into Deep…

Has it really been two years?

As I scroll through Iphone pictures and videos from the last two years; I am quickly reminded that geesh, I’ve been through a lot of shit here. I moved to Los Angeles on a hot spring day in June with the hopes of becoming a famous TV writer with ties to the funniest comics in L.A and lunch dates with Childish Gambino.  I do know some pretty hilarious comedians but I’m not writing for TV and Childish Gambino and we have not been to Sage  yet and you know what I’m totally not okay with it!

Image result for donald glover lunch gif

It’s cool though, L.A. has kept me busy enough that I don’t think about it too often. When I was living  in a Craigslist scammed apartment with a dirty IG model two years ago I must admit, I couldn’t see the light at the end of the tunnel. Part of me was struggling to open myself up to this new big af city and the other part was passionate and gun-hole about making this famous TV writer thing happen.

Two years later, I have created a life I never saw coming. I never thought my closest friends from college would move here and help me create content, I never imagined becoming certified to teach Yoga Barre. I didn’t even know what Yoga Barre was two years ago.  I can’t believe I got to work with one of my favorite content creators, or work for BET. I work at a Yoga studio and I’m in love with it. How many people actually love their job?  I just sold Russell Simmons a Yoga class package.

Image result for russell simmons yoga gif

I hike, I smoke the best and finest of marijuana, I perform stand-up comedy, I drive for lyft, I go to eclectic party in the hills, I have a connection with an incredible man that continues to show me how lit life and love can be. Even this blog, how have I had over two thousand readers in the last couple years. Who is reading this? Thank you so much. You have no idea or maybe you, how it feels to get your thoughts out into the world so you can connect with or inspire someone. I’m here for so much more than just being a TV writer.

That box that I so desperately kept trying to live in is now living with someone on 7th and San Pedro.

Image result for homeless box gif

I  feel like I just landed here, like I have so much more to do but I’m already here doing so much. I’m grateful for everything I have. I’m grateful for the support of so many people and the good Lord above for getting me through  those two panic attacks. I had to know I was going to be okay and I am. Evolving every day finding new ways to make this life a YOLO experience.

All I know is I’m into deep now. Word to LL.Image result for ll cool j in too deep gif

There’s no way I can just stop. I have a weed musical to produce, a podcast to record, a job that appreciates me, a man that understands me, friends that keep me uplifted and let’s not forget the $20 8th’s.

So..keep reading, keep watching (I can say that now!) and just keep praying for me. Someone definitely is.

Stay Tuned.

Episode 15. I Live in L.A.

I feel good. like… beautiful, creative, bold, indestructible good. I decided to take a break from my normal routine and it really has me feelin’ myself.  Yes, I’m still writing. Contrary to the very little appearances on stage I miss doing stand-up. The pressure though, it can get to you.

Even if life is going great when you aren’t doing what you love it’s like you’re not living the right life. Does that make sense? Anyways, I’ve been way too hard on myself to be this super successful comedian right now that I forgot I’m still young af, I have no kids, I’m not married. I can literally do whatever the hell I want. Except eat a baby.

Image result for shocked baby gif

I read my last blog post and I’m like,

“Yoooo Christina from six weeks ago chill out”

Everything is fine, nothing is my fault. I have done nothing wrong. I  want something better for myself and I believe if you lead with your heart you’ll find that better.  Deciding to take a break to evolve my mind, body and soul has set me free from all the  anxiety, fears and noises in my head telling me I’ll never be good enough. 

So, after living here 18 months, I think I’m beginning to understand what it takes to survive here. It’s actually pretty simple all you have to do is…

Stay open and that goes for moving to any new city, create in real life how you see yourself in your dreams. Talk to people of all races, genders, be polite and actually listen to people. Remember the names of every person you connect with. Stay focused but have the time of your life because all these new experiences are gearing you up for  what’s meant for you.

Keep a solid circle of friends who are willing to do anything to see you win. I can’t believe I have that.

Related image

It’s also pretty dope to have a partner out here who is more excited about your dreams than you, someone who kisses your butt cheeks every morning. Let’s just say I can’t believe I have that either. Woot!

Land a job that supports your dreams as well as keeps you sustained. I know, sounds impossible right? It’s not.

Listen to every album Childish Gambino ever  made. (Except the first two.)

Do something completely left field, I’m a certified  Yoga Barre instructor.  Let me tell you, it changed me. Yes, I have a six pack now.

Image result for namaste gif

This trippy journey I’m on has me feelin like that moment right after Alladin asked Jasmine  “Do you trust me?”

Image result for aladdin do you trust me gif

Butterflies are literally swarming in my stomach every morning because I’m so excited for what’s to come. What new adventure I’m about to endure. As I prepare to start teaching yoga classes and the release of my Weed Musical series, I can’t help but look back on the shitty times out here and just be grateful for everything I’ve built thus far. I haven’t even grasped the fact that I’m only getting started.

Stay Tuned oh and Namaste.