Upon graduating with my Bachelor’s from the dopest College ever, I moved to Durham, North Carolina where I smoked Wine Wood-Tip Black n Mild’s every day on the front porch of my mama’s house. I didn’t know I was in a rut until my shift at Applebee’s when a customer tipped me in dimes and nickels.
Am I worth more than this?
Unlike my friends who had plan their lives post grad. I, the creative had nothing but Black n Milds and watching back to back episodes of Family Feud in my future.
I wanted to write screenplays, tell stories. I could imagine me doing this from time to time, but Steve Harvey has a way of locking you in. Life became repetitive and gloomy, my mother had me on a curfew, Applebee’s was not cool, the only thing keeping me sane was the hope that the man I was in love with felt the same… He did not… So, a bitter depression came over me. Quite honestly, nothing could snap me out of it. Not even the encouraging words from my mom telling me…
” Girl, you betta snap out of It”.
During my all lights off, fetal position phase, I stumbled upon a collection of Black Web Series on Youtube. This was unlike something I had ever seen before. Stories from black people on the web for free?
I was engulfed in everything Black n Sexy TV, then appeared Awkward Black Girl. Issa Rae, this woman who had natural hair (something I never thought was cool) had me Binge watching her show right out of my depression.
I found myself laughing, crying, and yelling at my laptop with excitement from these characters, these real ass characters with people who look like me conducting them. I had to get my act together. I had to take part of this movement. I had to move to Los Angeles, CA immediately so I can create the stories I wanted to tell the world.
Fast forward five years later, I’m natural, the smell of a Black N Mild makes me queasy, the man I loved is married with a baby on the way. Oh, and I finally made it to LA.
The past five months in LA has been pretty insane, I’m adjusting here, growing, trying to find my lane, thinking to myself… Okay Christina… You made it, you have two jobs, a house, not eating tuna sandwiches everyday, go me, Black Queen Magic… Life though, it truly has a way of smacking the shit out of you. My smack in the face was looking up at a billboard on one of the busiest streets in LA with Issa Rae’s face on it. Might I add, with a premiere date of her new show on my Birthday. It stopped me in my tracks. The excitement I had for her was overwhelming. Can you say watch party on my Birthday?! I smiled and even chuckled a bit. Then suddenly, the smile went away. I wasn’t excited anymore. I was disappointed…
Disappointed that I had let five years pass me by without one story on the screen to show for it. Disappointed that I’ve been living in La La Land for almost half a year and haven’t met one shooter, disappointed that Childish Gambino is having a baby by another woman! Okay, that’s a little off topic but you feel me. Five years later and I’m nowhere closer to where I should be. I can’t blame no one but myself. However, I’m feeling a little insecure about Insecure. This amazing content Issa Rae has created is left unwatched by one of her biggest fans because I can’t pick up a pen and just write.
When I tell people I’m a comedy writer the very first question is…
“Do you watch Issa Rae show?”
“You wanna be like Issa Rae?”
It stings a bit, but how dare I watch her show without putting in any effort to create my own. This is how I currently feel and the great Kanye West said it’s okay to feel. Obviously, do NOT boycott ‘Insecure’ Issa Rae has created something wonderful and it’s well deserving. She worked her ass of for years, her dreams are coming to life; that is amazing AF. Everyone should enjoy her content and everyone is. Everyone but me…
The episode that had me hooked.
Awkward Black Girl: Season. 1, Episode 1