So, here we are…A completely different, entirely fresh, New Year. Of course you can start fresh any day… But that’s no fun! There’s something about a New Year that gives everyone this energy, this sudden jolt of confidence, believing… that this one New Year can be different from all the others. Something special, something unique, something that changes us from what we’ve been doing the previous year. A chance to better ourselves and throw away old bad habits. The New Year is proof that we do all have one thing in common… Hope! That to me is Power. So, if you’re reading this blog today…I truly wish you receive what you desire. That your hopes and dreams come alive this year!
Podcast, Talk Show, Album, and Yoga is my life now. Partnering up with other creative forces, eating more good food, meeting Childish Gambino, decorating my apartment and saving money are my priorities now. It’s refreshing…This feeling of just being content, grateful. I’m not scrambling, or overthinking. Everything is moving but moving to the beat of what I feel. I don’t know. I smoked a new Sativa strain this morning and it’s spilling into this entry.
Staying out of a relationship is crucial to my personal progression this year. I love men and a couple months out the year I love women too. but yo, I gotta stay away. I give 68% in a relationship and that’s way too high of a percentage. I must maintain my focus and energy on work so I can support my marijuana needs and make this comedy writing thing happen.
Last year I put so much pressure on myself, to be the “perfect writer”, the “perfect yogi”, “the perfect girlfriend”. Knowing deep down inside I’m a fucking mess working my shit out constantly. It wasn’t fair for me to beat myself up over things I could not control. It wasn’t fair for me to bring people in to my mess and expect them to stick it out with me. I had expected a life of fast and easy when I moved to Los Angeles. Instead of enjoying every aspect the city was trying to offer me. I decided to complain and mope and not do shit.
I’m not a monster, I’m not a Trump, I don’t want to eat babies…I’m just this super hot but regular ass Black woman trying to make noise in a society where we’re at the bottom of the totem pole anyway. This feeling I have now though, yo…It’s stimulating. I feel tingly when I wake up in the morning. I light my splifs and dance in front of my mirror for hours, my roommate is a God send, my ex-boyfriend stopped sending me hate emails, I haven’t had sex in months and I don’t even care…(Xtina is turning over in her grave), I’m falling in love with me all over again. Discovering that I’m no where near perfect but I’m still incredible af, still young, with no kids and a soft booty. I still have this fire in me that screams, keep pushing, you almost there Queen! Today, I choose to live in the present. To appreciate all that is around me right now at this very moment. Today I choose to execute my creative ideas, laugh with my friends, practice Yoga, gain knowledge, be naked, accept new and scary opportunities, enjoy the people in my life and experience shit. My heart isn’t heavy anymore. There’s no aching worries, no questioning who I am. I just am…and for today that’s just gonna have to be good enough.